Setting up home together after lockdown dating - pros and cons
One of the things that Covid has highlighted for those of us who are single is how being single in lockdowns and “going through it all alone” is not so great. I for one know just how it can feel in “virtual overload” where quite literally every exchange we are having is with someone on a screen!
Dating (which has always been a minefield) can for sure be even more hazardous when we are trying not to get Covid. And, if you are trying to find 'the one', which involves meeting different people to see if you are a romantic fit, just going out armed with your mask, hand gel and photo of a negative lateral flow test, can be a huge passion killer, not to mention all the pre-date nerves and jitters!
However, if you have managed to really connect with someone who feels special, through such a time of change and social challenge, it may even feel more special now because we have all been made so aware of how loneliness, and going through things alone can eat away at us. Perhaps you are now considering moving things on to a live-in commitment.
Here are some dynamics worth considering first before you start sharing the utility bills!
Values
Our values are a hugely important part of who we are and what matters to us. Relationships are far more likely to work between two people if they share values and feel similarly about things most especially if they want to consider starting a family or each have children from a previous relationship.
Shared interests
If you are someone who loves museums, and art and culture and your other half is far more interested in sport and physical activities, you are going to be more likely to enjoy those things separately. And, although individuality, space, and continued autonomy are healthy, if the fundamental things that you enjoy are too different, separateness is not relationship friendly.
Room to be honest without fear or compromise
Opening up about your real feelings no matter what. These are needs to feel safe and always possible, being your authentic self. Resentments do not evaporate if we suppress them, in fact, quite the opposite; they grow and become things that are expressed passive-aggressively.
Feeling comfortable with each other’s family
If all is good here and you are made to feel welcome by each other’s families, then fantastic - that is real relationship glue.
However, if that is not the case (for whatever reason), that dynamic can bring down a relationship, as a loyalty by your partner although understandable, to a person who clearly has a problem with you can become a big issue. If not dealt with from the beginning, alienation isn’t relationship friendly either.
These are but a few highlighted dynamics that need our consideration, of course, there are many more.
I specialise in inter-relational dynamics and I have found also from personal experience that a little time being aware without allowing our awareness to corrupt our joy and hope that all will be wonderful can create a strong foundation to a relationship that lasts the distance and becomes our life’s great treasure.